batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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