see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
