we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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