dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
