I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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