A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
