Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
