:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
this is an emotional support booty call
I love you. Go after that dick
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