You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
