youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize