bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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