Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
