my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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