Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm both gender and math confused
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize