1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
