Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
