guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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