you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
