It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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