I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
