My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
