Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
