Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
