The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
