ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
