Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
