So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
