Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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