Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
