I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
