The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
