good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
