omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
50% drunk capacity currently
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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