Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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