Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
