Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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