May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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