Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
