If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
