shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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