Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
