i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Im part way to drunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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