i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
