i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
