So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
