Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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