we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
