I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Boobs speak an international language.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
