3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
