On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
