Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize