why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
