I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize