Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
