that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
