Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
