we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
