Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
