The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
