Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
