Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
