Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
