He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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