I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
