Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize