So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
