My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize