just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
