you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
