Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
