"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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