Christians are straight up FREAKS
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize