I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I could fuck to npr.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
