wat bout pragnant strippers??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
