It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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