Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die, sorry about rent.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
