everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
