I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
