I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think i have two assholes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
