Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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