DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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