Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
