I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
