youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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