and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
