We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
