I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
