i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
