just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
