he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
