It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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