Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
