Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
