I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
