Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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