he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
