I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
