Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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