Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize