it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
