I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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