Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
