Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
